A Rat Tale

A Rat Tale
Business in the front, party in the back. So goes the typical phrase associated with the still ever popular mullet hairstyle- but we seem to have forgotten about the more elusive hair trend that we have come to know as the "rat tail".
What on earth possesses men (or women for that matter) to don something referred to as a RAT TAIL? What could that one tiny, ratty strand of hair possibly do to increase your sex appeal? Then again, perhaps it's not a matter of sex appeal, but indeed a matter of practicality, functionality, or even good luck. I have made a list of the possible alternative uses of the rat tail to better understand why anyone - white trash wild-man, Jedi knight, or helpless child- might want to adorn his head with such a coif.
Uses of the rat tail
1. A type of "feathery-tickler" sex toy
2. A secret antenna, worn by aliens disguised as trailer inhabitants or pseudo rockers in skinny jeans.
3. An ancient talisman used to ward off wild boars or raccoons that might drink one's Michelob.
4. As a dream catcher of sorts..
5. As a louse catcher of sorts. Maybe it's a bridge for those pesky lice to use to cross over to a swirling mess of back fur.
6. An actual tail...to be pulled when the wearer is misbehaving.
7. An apparatus to use for basting barbeque sauce onto meats while grilling.
8. A make shift tooth-brush. If the hair is bristly enough, which it likely is, then depending on the length of the tail, this could prove to be quite convenient for the wild-man on the go.
9. A source of strength tailored for today's busy lifestyle. Much like Samson, the wearer of the rat tail draws strength from his long hair, but doesn't have the time or patience to care for a billowing mane, and therefore only keeps a strand of the long tresses in tact.
10. A safety-rope used to save people from drowning. But ow. That's gotta hurt.
I think that chronicles just about every imaginable use of "the tail" that I can fathom. But please, if you know of any others...enlighten me.
P.S. For any actual rats that are reading this and are quite perplexed, then riddle me this: How are you reading?